


What would it be like to have a family?

by IDontKnowWhatIAmWriting



Series: One piece stories [16]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst and Feels, Family Feels, Gen, Portgas D. Ace-centric, Self-Esteem Issues, Shanks adopts the ASL, insecure ace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26839954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IDontKnowWhatIAmWriting/pseuds/IDontKnowWhatIAmWriting
Summary: Ace has been in the adoption center his whole life. He had already accepted that he wasn't going to be adopted. That doesn't mean that he is also giving up on his brothers adoption. Ace is willing to do everything to secure a good future for his brothers, even if that future doesn't include him.
Relationships: Akagami no Shanks | Red-Haired Shanks/Makino, Monkey D. Luffy & Portgas D. Ace & Sabo
Series: One piece stories [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1516145
Comments: 52
Kudos: 176





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hii!!
> 
> I’ve been working on this for actually a few months, but I just wasn’t satisfied with it. I think it is good enough now. This work will probably get 3/4 more chapters, but not 100% sure. 
> 
> Warning: cursing
> 
> Anyways enjoy!

Ace has been in the adoption center his whole life. He had already accepted that he wasn't going to be adopted. That doesn't mean that he is also giving up on his brothers adoption. Ace is willing to do everything to secure a good future for his brothers, even if that future doesn't include him.

Ace had been in an adoption center as long as he can remember. Dadan said he had been brought here immediately after he was born. They didn't know who the father was and his mother died in childbirth. His mother didn't have any alive relatives.

He met Sabo when he was five. The blond had been disowned by his parents. They had dropped him by this adoption center and never came back. Not that Sabo minded. He absolutely hated it there. Then Luffy had been left on the porch when was he was three and both he and Sabo were six. They didn't like Luffy in the beginning, but they became closer over time. Until one day they decided to be brothers.

The adoption center they were in was named Mt.Corvo. It was ran by an old hag named Dadan. It was a run-down adoption center in the less wealthier part of town. There weren't many kids here.

Dadan had once told him that he was out of the adoption age. Most people wanted a baby or a toddler. Sabo and him were seven now so they were too old. They were less likely to be adopted. Ace didn't mind then. He was hopeful that one day he was going to have two wonderful parents. Together with Sabo and Luffy they could be the big happy family he had always dreamed of.

_That dream was completely gone. Erased from his mind over the next few year. It had become something that he didn't believe existed, a fairytale._

Most children came and went, but not them. It wasn't like people didn't want them. They just didn't want _all three_ of them.

Dadan did explain it when people wanted one of them that they also had to take the other two. That was for most a dealbreaker. It wasn't like the people didn't want Luffy or Sabo. Most of them loved Luffy's bubbly personality or were impressed by Sabo's knowledge. The problem was _him_. People didn't like an angry, loud and brash child.

Sabo and Luffy didn't know that Ace was the problem. They didn't know that it was Ace that had kept them from being adopted, kept them from their happiness. The only reason Ace knew was because he always snuck away in order to listen to the conversation Dadan and the other people were having. At first he did to make sure that the people who were going to (hopefully) adopt them really liked them, to keep his brothers safe. To make sure that they were good people and that if they adopted them, they would take good care of them.

He still does it for the same reason, but one more reason had come along. The conversations went mostly like this.

"We would really like to adopt Luffy and Sabo."

"I understand. I want to tell you that Ace will also be part of the adoption. Sabo and Luffy do not want to be adopted without their brother."

"Ace? You mean the black haired freckled child?"

"Yeah, that's him."

"I'm sorry, we would rather not adopt him. Can we just adopt the other two?"

"No, Ace is also part of the deal. He is their brother. Luffy and Sabo won't go with you if you won't adopt Ace."

"M'am, I understand, but please bring the idea forth to Sabo and Luffy. I'm sure they want to be adopted, even without their brother. We can see it from your side, you want us to adopt as many kids as possible,but please look to it situation from our side. _We don't want Ace."_

_His new reason was one of hope. There was a little space in his heart, filled with it. One day, he wanted to hear the complete opposite. Just one time. Each time someone came along who had shown intrest, he would listen in. There had to be someone who would say it._

_...right?_

He had heard that sentence many times over the years and each time it hurt. At first he was sad, but over the time he became angry. They didn't want him. That's fine. It's not like he needed them either.

In the beginning when someone would want Luffy and/or Sabo, Dadan had put it forward, but both brothers would reject the idea and wouldn't budge for anything. They didn't want to be adopted if not all three of them were included. So eventually Dadan stopped trying and just said "All three or none, your choice."

If someone did adopt all three of them it would only be a matter of time before they were back at the orphanage. The main reason was that _they didn't want Ace._ And if sending all tree of them back was the only was to get rid of him. They would do it.

Luffy and Sabo would be sad, but not for long. They just thought that those people didn't like all three of them, that they didn't reach up to their expectations. How did Ace know why they were sent back? He listened in, again.

Everyone time somebody adopted them he would sneak out of his room to listen in on their conversation. What better time to talk about the kids you adopted when they were asleep, right? It was always the same.

Luffy was cute, adorable, a little bit to energetic but that was fine.

Sabo was smart, clever, good at sports, and all that would be good for his future

And Ace. Well he was too annoying, too angry, too mean. He wasn't smart or cute. He only caused problems, a problem child. People didn't want to deal with that. So Ace, with Sabo and Luffy, were sent back to the orphanage.

In the beginning he was sad, angry and jealous every time he looked at Sabo or Luffy, why couldn't he be cute or why wasn't he smart. Now he just wanted to protect them. He didn't care anymore if he was adopted or not. He had accepted that he never may be. Who would want him? He couldn't even stand himself anymore. Everytime he saw himself or thought about himself he understood why. _He was a problem._

So he had made himself a test. If people could accept him of all people and if he liked them. They would be able to take care of Luffy and Sabo. Than they were good enough to be Sabo's and Luffy's parents. They would than take care of Luffy and Sabo. Sabo and Luffy wouldn't need him anymore. He would go back to the orphanage and Sabo and Luffy got the home that they deserved. They would get a loving family, good education and jobs, money to do fun things. They would get everything they deserved. Exactly as it was supposed to be.

He had already ruined countless adoption chances for Luffy and Sabo. He wasn't smart. He wasn't cute. He was too angry. He always ran into trouble. He wasn't good enough. He wasn't wanted. He was... _too Ace_. People didn't like it when Ace was too Ace.

That realization had hurt him the most. It was like they took the last broken pieces of his already shattered self-esteem and stomped on it until there was nothing left. The only people who could accept him were Luffy, Sabo and Dadan.

Of course he tried to change after he realized this. He tried to be less mean. He tried to be smart and laugh more. He tried to avoid trouble, but nothing was ever good enough. Nothing worked. He couldn't change himself.

_In five years nobody had said it. Nobody said the words that he desperately wanted to hear the most. If you would looked in the space with hope now, you would find it almost completely empty. Very, very little parts were still there, but they can't be seen by human eyes._

That is how it had gone for five years. None of them passed his test. None of them were good enough for Ace to hand Sabo and Luffy to. He was beginning to get desperate. His brothers needed financial assistance for their school. Luffy needed tutoring and Sabo needed the money to join the debate team next year. That was something the orphanage wasn’t able to provide.

Another thing that also hurt was that Sabo and Luffy still planned a future with Ace. They both would talk about the future and Ace always had some important part in it. It hurt to know that all these amazing futures with Ace could never become a reality. Once Sabo and Luffy had seen how bad a job Ace was doing compared to what their future parents could do they would leave him.

They would realize it was all Ace's fault for them not being adopted when they could. They would also realize that Ace was...too Ace, that he wasn't worth it. They were going to leave him. It didn't matter if they did it themself or if Ace did it. Ace would be cut of because Sabo and Luffy didn't need such a ginormous fuck up as him in their life's. He didn't want to ruin more than that he was already doing.

_He knew it would be better for them. Monsters didn't deserve angels after all. Have you ever heard of a movie were the monster wasn't the angels downfall? He hadn't. So he had to let them go on time, so he wouldn't drag them down with him._


	2. Akagami no Shanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii!  
> This look a little too long for my liking to write. Sorry for the long wait. Here it is!

There were rumors going around. The famous Red Haired Shanks was seeking children to adopt. He didn't know who that was, but that was going to change.

After his research he was filled up with determination. Red hair was rich, had a really good reputation (besides his parties) and was a kind man (if you looked at his donations and artikels).

He looked like a good candidate to let Sabo and Luffy be adopted by.

He also really needed the money. Sabo wanted to studie at a very expensive university and Lu wanted to travel. Ace didn't have that money. He was setting the what little money he got aside for them but it would never be enough.

Ace needed to make sure that he would give Sabo and Luffy a chance at being adopted. He was planning a form of action on how to get him to their run down adoption center, when he actually came in.

He had looked around and gave each child a chance, but Ace could see that they had a special intrest in Sabo and Luffy. Ace decided not to show himself. He didn't want to ruin things and scare him off.

While all the kids were trying to get Shanks's attention, Sabo and Luffy were looking for Ace. They knew that Ace had shown interest in mister Shanks these past few days, but they couldn't find him. Sabo had told Luffy to go spend some time with him, as he was going to seek Ace.

He was worried about Ace. He had changed over the years. His eyes who had been bright and happy were now sad. There was something in Ace's eyes that he couldn't identify.

This green haired lady guy walked towards him, probably wanting to start a conversation, but Sabo didn't have time for her now. He needed to go find Ace.

Sadly, he was too late. This lady was already here. She looked like a nice person. It would be rude to walk away now. He hoped Ace would come over so he could talk to Makino, who had just introduced herself, instead of him. She had said that she was Shanks wife.

Ace looked at Sabo who was talking with Makino, which he knew was Shanks wife, and Luffy who was talking with Shanks. Both Shanks and Makino looked like they were enjoying their conversations. Everything was going better than expected. He could see Shanks had a special interest in Luffy.

The couple stayed until visiting hours were over. They ate and went to bed. The three of them shared a room. Ace waited till his brothers were asleep and then crawled out of the bed. He went to the little desk that they had, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. It was time for part two of his plan.

He would write a letter to Shanks about his brothers. He needed the letter to be good. Ace didn't know how to write a good letter, but had an idea. He would write the letter just like he would always do. Then he write would do the complete opposite. Anything that didn't look like he hadn't written it had to be good. He needed to write like Sabo, not like Ace, cause writing like Ace is wrong.

He had written thirteen dumb letters before he found one of them acceptable. He had to get help from google to actually write a good one. He wrote about his brothers, what kind of wonderful people they were.

_Dear mister Akagami,_

_If you receive this letter, then I want to ask you to please spare some of your time to read this. I really want to tell you about my brothers. You may have already met them in MT.Corvo orphanage. Their names are Sabo and Luffy._

_Sabo is really smart. He has good grades. He is really good at sport and likes books. He is also good at argumentering. He is the smartest person I've ever met. Sabo is a real softy on the inside and I know that he would make a good son._

_Luffy is a really happy kid. He is always positive and is also really good at atlethics. Luffy is really social and would like to be an adventurer. He wants to travel everywhere and see the word and discover world mysteries. He does get into trouble from time to time, but I hope that you can look over that. Lu is the most lovable little idiot that I can think of._

_I wanted to ask you if you could maybe give my brothers a chance. You seem like a very nice guy. They are in need of things that I nor the orphanage can give. You seem like a good dude, so I have a favor that I wanted to ask you._

_Will you please adopt Sabo and Luffy? I will also be there for a few months, but don't worry. I'll be gone in no time._

_Sincerely,_

_Ace_

The letter had taken ages to write, the sun was about to come up. He was very tired, but happy. He could post it tomorrow or is it today? Anyway, he put a stamp on it and then put it away for later. He walked to his bed, but before he climbed in he looked at Sabo and Luffy. They looked really peaceful while they slept. He should savor these moments.

He watched for an moment, before he climbed in his bed and fell asleep.

He was awoken by an elbow in the gut, more specifically Luffy's elbow. Ace shot out of bed. He was so fucking tired. He could sleep for another day. How many hours had he slept. Three? He hadn't looked when he went to bed, but it was now nine A.M.

Sabo noticed this too. "Ace, did you sleep well? You look like a zombie."

Luffy laughed. "A zombie, shishishi. Oh Ace! Breakfast is ready. Come on!" Luffy made him put on some clothes, before dragging him and Sabo downstairs by the arm. "Dadan, food!"

Dadan gave them some breakfast, before continuing with her day. Sabo shot a look at Luffy. "Hey Lu, how about you help Dadan with the dishes? Maybe she'll give you some extra meat tonight." Luffy's eyes sparkled at that idea and quick ran after Dadan to help.

Now that they were alone Sabo turned to Ace. "So, care to tell me why you weren't there when mister Shanks stopped by. I knew you were interested. Why weren't you there?"

"Uuuuh." Ace couldn't tell the truth, so he didn't. "Something came up."

Sabo narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. "Oh really? What was it?"

"I needed to buy some paper for the letter I wanted to write, which I did and need to post today. So I'm going out in a few minutes. Can you watch Luffy alone for an hour?"

"Sure."

"Great! See you later!" Ace ran upstairs to their room, grabbed his letter and ran back down again. He yelled a quick 'Bye' and slammed the door shut. He jogged the whole way to the post office.

He stood a few seconds in front of the mailbox. He could do this. He had to for Sabo and Luffy sake. The moment he posted this their last few months together would start.

He honestly didn't want to do this. He wanted to stay with Sabo and Luffy. He wanted to be there when they grew up. They were the only important things Ace had. Without them he would be nothing. He wanted to be selfish and keep them for himself, but that would be dooming them to a bad future. One he didn't wish for his brothers.

Shanks would be good. Yeah. There would be a good chance that Shanks wouldn't be getting them after this letter and that was fine too. Then he could stay with Sabo and Luffy for a while longer. It could go both ways. Shanks not seeing the letter and not adopting them or Shanks seeing the letter and adopt them. But he couldn't find it in himself to send the letter.

_Just do it, you coward. Shanks will take good care of them, better than you ever did. Be honest with yourself. What did you ever do besides fucking things up for them?_

_They don't need you._

_They are better off without you._

_They will be safe by Shanks._

_Don't ruin their future because you're being such monster. Normal people would wish them the best future they could get and you are stopping them from getting it._

_Just send it._

He did. He let the letter go. There was no turning back now.

With heavy heart he began to walk his way home, despising himself for still hoping that Shanks would not come. He was indeed really a selfish monster. No wonder he wasn't wanted. _He absolutely wouldn't want himself either._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next work that will be updated is ‘soulmate switch’.  
> Thank you for reading!


	3. A new home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More hurt and angst I will deliver.

It was a few days after sending the letter that Shanks came in again. Most of the other kids knew what that meant. Shanks had an intrest in adopting in someone here.

Ace was sitting in the corner with Sabo and Luffy. Luffy had wanted to hear a story so now Sabo was reading one. They, of course, also noticed the moment Shanks came in.

Happiness and sadness came up in Ace's heart. Had Shanks read his letter? Please n-yes.

Ace could see Shanks sneak a few glances over to them.

"Ace, Sabo, Luffy! Get over here!" Dadan yelled. Ace's heart jumped a bit. Holy shit. No, no, no, no, no.

Sabo quickly put the book away and together they walked over to where Dadan and Shanks were. "Mister Akagami, might be interested in adopting you and wanted to talk to you three. Now be on your best behavior." Dadan turned her attention to Shanks. "The back door room is over there. They can guide you if you can't find it."

Shanks nodded and shot a friendly smile at them. "Well, Lets go boys."

They all walked to the back room and sat down. All three were nervous. This was really happening. Someone was interested, again, in adopting them.

Shanks was the first one to break the silence. "So as you might have heard or assumed, I have taken quite an interest in you three. So tell me about yourself. Your hobbies, likes, dislikes, dreams and, most importantly, what you expect of me. Luffy, do you want to begin?"

Poor kid was nervous, probably, he was bouncing in his seat. "I love playing with my brothers and going on adventures and making friends, I love meat and I don't like meanies. I want to be an best adventurer later on and go to all sorts of places and I want you to be a good dad."

Shanks nodded. He couldn't help but smile at the kids energy. "Sabo, you next?"

"I like reading, learning and playing with my brother. I like books and don't like snotty self centered people. I think I want to be a social worker." All three looked surprised at Sabo. Both Ace and Luffy hadn't known that last piece of information. Ace couldn't help but think that it fit Sabo.

"Okay. Ace, what about you?" Shanks asked.

Ace was panicking. It looked like Shanks liked what his brothers had told about themself. He couldn't screw this up. Why did his throat felt incredibly dry? "I...like playing with my brother. I like going outside and play sports and I dislike- _myself_ -sweet food?" He hadn't known what to say. He disliked many things, but he didn't feel like he could say them in front of Shanks. "I don't know what I want- _except a good future for my brothers -_ and I want you to just take care of my brothers." It was quiet for a moment. Ace realized that he had only said his brothers.

"And me." He hastily added. Stupid. He had to be more careful with his words. He and Shanks might know he plan, but his brother didn't and he sure as hell couldn't let them know.

"Alright. I'm Shanks." Shanks began to introduce himself. They talked for hours until it was almost time for closing. Shanks had said that he needed to do something and walked out of the room.

As soon as Shanks left Ace followed behind. His brothers tried to stop him, but he wouldn't let them. This was the moment of truth. When the kids weren't in the room was the moment the adults like to say the harsher shit.

He made his way into the vent and crawled to the room Shanks and Dadan were in. Ace listened to the entire thing and not even once had Shanks said something bad about them, even about him. It took about thirty minutes, before he heard Shanks ask for the official papers to adopt them. Ace's heart fluttered in happiness.

Holy shit! Shank was really adopting them. He had to get back. He couldn't risk being seen. He quickly and silently crawled back and walked to his brother who were looking expectingly at him. He smiled. "He was asking for the adoption papers!"

Luffy squealed in joy. Luffy had really taken a liking to the red head.

The brothers were still talking enthusiastically to each other when Shanks came in to announce the happy news. Luffy had practically flung himself at Shanks. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

Shanks laughed. "How about you three go pack your stuff while I fill out the adoption papers?"

All three nodded and ran upstairs to their room.

"Shishishi, isn't this exciting?!" Luffy said as he bounced all around the room, collecting their stuff.

"Yeah, it kinda is. Mister Shanks is kinda a big deal. Don't get your hopes to much up Luffy. You know those other couples didn't want us either even after they adopted us." Sabo warned.

"Yes, yes. Don't be such a worrier Sabo. Shanks won't. I just know it. He's a good guy."

Ace and Sabo sighed, knowing they won't be able to change Luffy's mind. They finished packing and took everything downstairs again where Shanks was waiting. They placed everything in his (very shiny and probably very expensive) car.

Their parting was tearful. Ace hoped Sabo and Luffy wouldn't be coming back here. That also meant no more Dadan. She may not admit it, but even she had shed a few tears. Sabo and Luffy had also been crying. Luffy more than Sabo. Ace himself hadn't really. He said goodbye to make things more realistic, but he knew he would be back here anyway. There was no need for tearful goodbyes for him. They got in the car and drove off.

It was silent for a few minutes before Shanks began to talk and ramble about all sorts of things. His wife Makino, their new bedrooms, food and everything else.

They stopped after an two hours drive in front of a really big house.

Makino, their new mom, was waiting for them. She helped carry their belongings inside as Shanks drove the car away. "I'm Makino as you may know. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you were officially adopted. I was busy setting up your room and the furniture came in today." She grabbed the keys and opened the door of their house.

The three brothers gasped in awe. The walls were white, brown and red. Ace hadn't know those colors could mix so well together. There were vases with flowers, paintings and just the usual but good looking furniture.

Makino led them inside. Ace didn't know if they were supposed to put their shoes off. He shot a look at Sabo who looked to be in the same situation. Sabo cleared his throat. "Miss Makino? Do you have to take off our shoes?"

"Please, its Makino or if you want mom is also fine and you don't have too as long as your shoes aren't to dirty. It's fine for now. But let's say for example, you come back if playing in the mud they have to be taking of."

The first place they want to was their room. "You can place your belongings here for now. You three will have to share the same room for a week. We had actually only prepared for one child. We did buy the necessary furniture for three, but the rest hasn't come yet so the rooms aren't ready."

Luffy dumped his stuff on the ground without a second thought and ran around the room. "Ace! Sabo! Look at how big it is! This is way bigger than at Dadan's."

"Makino?" Ace said hesitantly, unsure if it was okay for him so use that name as well. "We don't mind sharing. We have shared our whole life. You don't need to buy extra things for us." _Especially not for me._ Ace thought.

Makino refused to back down.

After that Shanks and Makino helped them unpack. Somewhere in the the middle of it Makino stated that she needed to start on dinner. After an hour it was done. All of them were eating, conversation or listening. This may have been Ace's first meal here, but he felt more welcome here than at any other family that had given him a chance.

Luffy and Shanks were getting along great if their conversation and smiles were anything to go by. Shanks had actually challenged Luffy to a eating contest. Ace chuckled at that one. They got along incredibly quick. It was almost as if they were made for each other.

Sabo was talking to Makino about running a business. Apparently Makino owned a popular bar in town and they were a talking about that. They tried to get him to engage in the story, but he didn't feel like it. He didn't want to interrupt. Makino and Sabo also seemed to be hitting it of perfectly.

Ace looked these four people in front of him and he knew they could be a perfect family. He felt like he was intruding. His heart squeezed painfully. He was losing his brother fast. Way faster than he thought. He thought it would take at least a couple of months for his brothers to really get attached enough to let him go, but now Ace thought that a month, maybe two, would be enough.

_They were perfectly fine without him. They didn't need him. Look at how good they are doing without you. This is the first meal together as a whole family and Ace...didn't want to ruin it by being too Ace._

Luffy must have noticed his sad gaze. "Ace, are you okay?"

He snapped out of his thoughts. "Yeah, just staring I guess."

Luffy threw him a bright smile. "It's okay Ace. I'm nervous too!"

"I-I'm not nervous! I was just lost in my thoughts!"

This continued to go back and forth for a while, before Luffy seemed to lose interest in the conversation when Shanks asked him something again. This continued the entire meal. Ace started or joined conversations here and there, just make sure his brothers wouldn't worry.

After that they helped clear the table and Shanks did the dishes.

Ace wasn't going to lie. He was exhausted. This whole thing about his brothers finally getting adopted in a family who actually wanted them was a lot to take in.

They got ready for bed. Shanks and Makino came to check on them, before going to sleep themselves. Ace wanted to get out of bed to listen in on their conversation, but decided against it. He couldn't mess this up.

So he stayed. Tired, but unable to sleep. Sabo and Luffy had fallen asleep very quickly. He listened to their calm breathing as his mind drifted off.

_He was losing them. He was going to be alone, in darkness and scared and sad and hurt and weak and he deserved all of it. He didn't want to be alone again. He didn't. He didn't. Please no. A-anything but that._

_..._

_Don't leave me._

_..._

_Don't leave me._

_..._

_Don't leave me._

_..._

_He was disgusting. An unwanted freak and a selfish monster. But still..._

Ace breathed in shaky breaths. He felt like he was about to throw up. His fists were pale from clenching them too hard and his whole body was left trembling.

He threw the covers off of him and walked towards the nearest bed. Luffy's bed. He was scared. He wanted to wake his younger brother up. Just wake him up and have Luffy wrap his arms around him like the hugs he gave all the time.

He stopped his hand halfway, by Luffy's face. It was so peaceful. A little smile adorning his lips. He couldn't find it in himself to wake him up. Not for something stupid as this. Luffy needed his sleep for his endless energie.

Ace walked over to Sabo's bed instead. His blond brother was also in deep sleep.

_He felt so incredibly alone. It was like he was five years old again, before he met Sabo. Everybody wishing he wasn't born. Everyone hating him. No one to comfort him. No one to say that it wasn't true. It didn’t matter how much a screamed, payed and hoped. There was...nobody._

_Please, someone notice me. I’m here. I’m right here._

Tears formed in his eyes as his shoulders began to sake. Soft hiccups escaped his throat. He would mis them so much. Sabo's snarky remarks and Luffy's ever so bright smile.

He remembered the promise he made to Sabo when they were younger. They would have each other's back, always. Ace would always have Sabo's back, but after this, Sabo wouldn't have his.

_Sabo would probably hate him. After he would leave, Sabo would realize he had been holding him back. Sabo would be free of him. Sabo would hate him and would never want anything to do with him every again._

He desperately wanted to wake the other boy up and get a hug or any other type of reassurance. While Luffy's hugs were more affectionate, Sabo's hugs made him feel protected. That's what he needed right now. Sabo's smart brain giving him reasons and explanations to why everything will be okay. Please make him feel wanted just a little longer.

But instead his sat on the ground, next to his brother's bed and continued the quietly sob besides it. Making himself as small and quiet as possible to not disturb his two brothers

He didn't know for how long he sat there. It could have been hours. He was shivering from the cold that had made his way into his bones.

Ace glanced at Sabo again. Maybe...he wouldn't mind right? There was enough space for two. Just for these last months. He made carefully wormed his way into Sabo's bed.

_He didn't know it was possible for him to hate himself more. But here he was, exceeding his own expectations.Maybe if he wasn't such a screw-up he could have stayed with his brothers. He knew he was to blame for all of it. Out of everyone one the planet who hated him for whatever reason, Ace knew that it was himself who stood on top of the list who hated him the most._

It didn't take long for Sabo to recognize a body next to him and wrapped his arms around Ace. Sabo pulled Ace's cold body tightly against his in his sleep, effectively chasing away the demons in his head.

Ace couldn't help, but let more tears fall. He wrapped his arms tightly around Sabo and quietly cried into the sleeping blonds chest, before dozing off.

_He did feel wanted when Sabo held him tight in his sleep. Just for this night he thought it was okay to be selfish and lay next to Sabo, to feel protected. Just this once._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hurt from writing this 😭

**Author's Note:**

> Do you sometimes read through your work and think ‘Holy moly, I see so many mistakes how did I not see them before?’  
> Yeah that’s me. 
> 
> I’m also participating in fictober. They are posted in another serie, because I thought that some of you might not appreciate being spammed every day with something I post. You can check it out if you want!
> 
> Thank you for reading 😊😊


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